A friend has been sending me messages looking for advice on buying a house. I am not really the person for such advice, but I guess he wanted some perspective because he is up in the air as to whether he is going to build a house, get a newer house, or an old house that requires a lot of work. I think in his head he wants an older place, but I don't think he is necessarily the kind of person who is currently able to handle the work involved.
But he could become that person.
Before we bought our place, several people thought we weren't the kinds of people who could manage a house, let alone an old house. Though to be fair, my wife isn't really that person still. However, since I am here, we do okay. Finns seem to have some kind of cultural stigma around house ownership and I think it makes a lot of people scared about owning one. It isn't the cost as much as it is the work involved that many people especially today, can't or don't want to do. We have chosen convenience and owning a house, isn't convenient in Finland.
But after speaking through some loan stuff, I said to him that the biggest challenge he might face isn't actually the work itself as I think he will quite enjoy that learning process, but the fact that it all takes times to get done. An old house is kind of never ready and there are always more things to do. And with money considerations on top, there are a lot of prioritisations and a lot of things left undone around the place, waiting for some distant future. I am not sure he has the kind of personality he can let things slide for months, or years.
If he does develop that (or have it hidden away all these years), I reckon he will quite enjoy getting his hands dirty, even though it scares him. He is the kind of person who still hasn't changed his own tyres, despite cars needing to do it twice a year here. However, once hie is in a house, he will be forced to do a lot of new things.
Is that the kind of life he wants though?
The thing is, that despite me being confident he could learn, he tends to stress a lot and put a lot of pressure on himself when things don't go right. Old houses are filled with drama naturally, so so someone who panics a bit might not really enjoy all the compromises - another thing he isn't a big fan of.
I think at times we set ourselves up for failures with the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves. We want to be "the kind of person who" does something, but we tend not consider if we can be or are willing to change into that kind of person. I think my friend for instance can see himself raising his family in a house in a cool old suburb, where they play in the garden. And while I can imagine that outcome, I am not sure he can see himself actually doing the work to achieve that scene. Perhaps it is better to take a step back and see if our story, has potential in reality.
Otherwise, we are building our houses from sticks.
At the moment, he doesn't have to rush as his apartment has only just gone on the market, and because of the kind of place it is, it might take some time. Like many apartments in specific areas, they are all kind of the same, so there is very little to differentiate his from any other around it. Why buy one when the other is a bit cheaper? But what an apartment offers is a lot of convenience, less maintenance, and snow work taken care of in the winter. Is he ready to give that up?
I don't know, but at least he is reaching out to people and seeing what kind of experiences they have with it. My own experience is not altogether typical though, since I had a stroke soon after buying the house and while we were deep in the midst of renovating. However, while untypical, it is also typical that when renovating there are going to be unexpected, unplanned, and unbudgeted surprises that arise that can fundamentally change what is possible and the overall experience.
For some, this is the excitement of it, for others, the fear.
There is no big bad wolf trying to blow the house down. So what is there to be afraid of?
Taraz [ Gen1: Hive ]
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