Hi Steemians! :)

After being inactive for 6 months here in steemit, I can’t stand not to write anything and that’s why I’m back! I definitely missed everything here! I know that I have a lot of catching up to do, but nonetheless, I’m so glad that I finally got to come back and I’m so excited to share with you everything that happened to me in the past months that I was in idle in steemit!

This comeback post is something personal to me. I’m going to share with you something that I wasn’t comfortable to talk with (before) and it’s something that I did not share with someone except my family and my friends. This blog is about what happened in my college life and what I learned from all the challenges that I’ve been through.

A lot of you are asking me: What happened? Are you still studying? What are your plans?
Some are telling me: You wasted all your time and efforts. Don’t you feel sorry for your mom who’s working abroad for you?

Those were the things that I always hear every single day when I was in the lowest point of my life. For the record, it didn’t help me and it didn’t help my situation either. Hearing those made me think of the bad things that a normal student would not think of. Yes, I was depressed that time.

I guess all of us don’t want to see our mother cry because she is disappointed or upset with something that we did. And that’s the number one reason why I got depressed that time. I hate seeing and hearing my mother cry because all of her efforts and sacrifices were just like thrown in a garbage can easily for a reason she doesn’t clearly know. I understand her for being mad at me because in the first place, I know all my shortcomings and I’m the type of son that is not really open to the family. I don’t usually ask for help if I need one. I don’t tell stories about what happened to my day. To sum it up, my family doesn’t know much about me because I was always pretending to be okay even if I’m not. They will always ask me about how well am I doing in school and I will always answer, “Everything’s fine.” Why not tell the truth? Because I was so scared to be a burden in the family. They have their own problems and I don’t want to add another to it. As time passed by, I realized that hiding it will not make the situation lighter thus it will get worse. That’s why I decided to open up and tell them what I am feeling and what actually happened to me.

So what really happened?

When I was a kid, I always dreamt of being a lawyer or a teacher. I just love the concept of teaching inside the classroom and sharing good memories with your students. I also admire and salute all teachers and that made me want to be one. When I moved to high school, I became more confused on what really I want to be. By that time, I wanted to be a photographer, a film director, and a businessman. But when I researched about what will be in demand jobs in the year 2018 (the year I should be graduating), different engineering courses showed up and among all those programs, Civil Engineering is the only thing that I was familiar with. I researched some backgrounds in Civil Engineering and I found it very interesting. So, I asked myself, “Am I good in math? Do I love science? Am I good in drawing structures?” and I answered myself, “I’m not that good in Math and not that bad as well, so, let’s just say average. Yes, I love science. And no, I’m not good in drawing but I can learn and I’m willing to learn.” Then that’s it! Every time there was a college application form that I needed to answer, my first chosen program would always be Civil Engineering. I forgot about all the lawyer, teacher, photographer, film director and businessman dream in just a snap of a finger.

Side story:

My high school crush told me that she will take up Civil Engineering. So, I got even more excited because we have the same program to take in college!!! The sad part was she ended up taking Accountancy instead. I didn’t get the chance to ask her why because I was too shy because who am I to ask her? Hahaha.

I graduated high school with some literary and leadership awards.

After graduating high school, I went to Adamson University to take up Bachelor of Science major in Civil Engineering. I was so hardworking back then. I can still remember the times when it’s either I will go home straight after my class or I will stay at the library with my classmates for some review. I also bought and borrowed some reference books that I can use for my subjects. Due to my dedication and hard work, I had no failing subjects for 4 semesters in a row.

During my 2nd year, I was already having some second thoughts if this is really what I want but I still continued because I told myself that I can do it and so far so good. So yeah, I continued.

In our university, every engineering student should take the qualifying examination before you take your major subjects. Unfortunately, I didn’t pass the qualifying exam. I told myself, “Is this really the end of my journey as a Civil Engineering student?” After days of crying, I was told that I might have a chance to continue the program even if I didn’t pass the exam. They said that some of the students may be reconsidered because they don’t have any failing subjects yet. My hopes are high that time. My mindset at that time was: If I can get through this, it means this is what I’m meant to be (a civil engineer). I didn’t realize that I am a fan of “signs” until that day that I finished all the requirements and I was able to continue the program.

With my co-student leaders, Physics Society of Adamson University

If you read some of my blog posts before, I said there that I am a student-leader. It started when I was in my 3rd year in college; I joined a co-academic organization which is Physics Society of Adamson University (PSAU). A volleyball teammate (I used to play volleyball for PSAU during the University Sportsfest), who was the newly elected president at that time, recruited me to be one of the directors of the organization. I joined the organization and ended up being the Outreach Director. I became so active and bit by bit I was attached to the organization and to my co-officers. Many people say that the school is our second home, and I realized that it’s true! The organization became my second family wherein I can share some of my problems and they’re always there to share their shoulders for me to cry on.

While I was enjoying my days as a leader in our organization, I started to feel no interest with the program that I took. I started to become lazy. I started to think of shifting to another program. I was so afraid that time because I don’t know what to do and my parents might get mad at me. I started to fail 1 subject in my 3rd year 2nd semester. Some of you might think that I lost my focus when I started joining organizations. I think that’s also what my parents were thinking because they started to tell me to stop being an officer and focus on my studies instead. I was so afraid to tell my family that I already want to shift to another course but I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. So I decided to continue.

4th year college, hooray! I’m near the finish line! Well, no! I’m still too far. There are still a lot of units that I need to take. Hahaha

I tried to bring back the joy I feel every time I study my subjects, but it got even worse. (I really tried) I realized that the more I don’t act on this problem; it’ll cause more problems. I cried every night and it felt like I don’t want to talk to anyone. I felt like I am a disappointment to my family. So there was this one point wherein I already gave up and told my family about my situation. I told them that it’s not really about my subjects; it’s just that I can’t see myself anymore with this program. It may look selfish because I was just thinking of what I want to do, I didn’t think of all the wasted efforts and money that my family invested in me. But that’s not it! I acknowledge every single thing that my family did for me; but again, I don’t want any more to add fuel to the fire.

Enjoying my stay at Hong Kong

My family decided to give me a break. They gave me some time to think and reflect on what happened to me. My sister brought me to Hong Kong last December for a vacation. When I was there, I have so many time to meditate because it felt like I was too far with my problems. It gave me time to relax, think, and most especially, forgive myself. I learned that life shouldn’t end with a fall; we need to stand up and continue fighting for your dreams.

Maybe some of you may think that, this is just a small thing. This story is just a little taste of what the world may give to us. Some of you may think that others experience more difficult challenges than this. Maybe yes, you’re right. But think of this, we all have different problems and usually every problem has its back story. Sometimes, we really don’t know the whole story and that’s the reason why we should stop judging other people. We should stop comparing ourselves and our experiences to others because we all have different timelines and different path to take. This is not the time to look on the bad things that happened to us; today is the perfect time to reflect and to stand up. Some of your friends may be drowning right now, and it’s also time to tell them to keep on swimming. There are a lot of things waiting for us. Finish line (our dreams) may not be near but we’ll get there if we keep on going. :)

Right now, my family financed a business for me. I am now managing a Sio Republic franchise located at Regalado Avenue. I think of this as my second chance to fight for my dreams and to prove to myself that I can do better and that I am better than what I think of myself. I decided to just learn what happened to me in the past, live and enjoy the present, and be excited for the future.

It took me a month to write this story for all of you because I really don’t know the exact words to express what I felt and what I have experienced. This is just a part of the whole story. There are still a lot of stories that I am excited to share with all of you. Still, it’s always been a relief writing all your emotions and stories. And I’m glad to be back!

Keep go;ng, steemians!

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